I read a comment on Instagram yesterday that really got me thinking.
The original post was made by a male therapist online who asked his followers:
“Do men only respect women who withhold sex early on in dating”?
… the post (and topic) wasn’t all that interesting to me but what this man said in the comments was.
He asks:
“women, if you have sex early on and maintain men’s interest, what do you think it is about you that creates that? What do you do? What’s your energy like?”
In response to one of the comments asking him about his situation he replies that he is in a relationship with an amazing woman and explained that he’s attracted and maintains his interest in her because:
- She knows what she wants and courageously goes for it,
- She had sex with me early because she wanted to, not because she thought it would give me something I needed,
- She’s super smart,
- has impeccable style and taste,
- is business savvy and is an entrepreneur,
- is a visionary and will end up being one of the best in her industry,
- is absolutely hilarious,
- she learns and grows lightning fast,
- she takes great care of her hair, skin and body, wakes up at 6:30am to workout, I’m very physically attracted to her, etc.
- Here’s the thing: she’s MADE herself into these things. Shes chose to be this person and has taken, and continues to take, the steps to become this.
- That’s what I’m most attracted to. She’s made herself a scarce resource and irreplaceable. And I think that what she’s done - chose to make herself into someone who’s invaluable - is available for most people, if they so choose.
“she’s MADE herself into these things”
I don’t know the author of this post, or his partner, or the nature of their relationship OR what he actually even means lol
But the repeated use of the word MADE… just rubs me the wrong way.
We as women CAN do it ALL.
We can MAKE ourselves do just about anything when we put our MINDS to it.
We can DO just about anything when we TRY hard enough.
The idea that we can DO or MAKE ourselves into anything is not a new idea, we have been hearing this message for decades now…
“WOMEN CAN DO IT ALL, RAH RAH RAH”
I don't want my partner (or anyone!) to be most attracted and interested in me because of all the things I CAN DO, how successful I am (or might be), how I look or how good I am at making myself…. into something?
The idea that we can change who we actually are through a concerted effort to be different is a futile endeavour and the bain of my existence lol
This is me literally advertising that message in a promotion for my old business:
... so perhaps because of that, I have totally misunderstood what this guy is saying 😜…
but what I would like to see MORE of on the internet when it comes to men speaking about stuff like this is…
LOVE WOMEN FOR BEING – NOT ONLY DOING.
This is what I would want my partner's response to be:
- She’s unapologetically the person she is designed to BE.
- She wakes up every day and does the best she can, always honouring herself – never abandoning who she is.
- She gives her mind, body and soul endless love and devotion.
- She has beautiful boundaries, which I honour and respect.
She is ENOUGH. Just as she IS.
We don't need to try, or do or MAKE ourselves INTO anything!
We simply need to REMEMBER who we are... and JUST BE ♡
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